Baggage Check: Recognizing your assumptions about Church

Unrecognized assumptions are like old Naval Mines in World War 2 movies; they float unnoticed below the surface awaiting something to bump them and...BOOM! Assumptions sink friendships, cause business relationships to flounder, and can even send marriages to the ocean floor. 

Unrecognized assumptions are unfortunately common and damaging in the context of Christian fellowship within a church community. When a new person enters into a church community they bring any number of hidden assumptions with them from their previous experiences. These beliefs about how things “ought to be” in church constitute a unique blend of assumptions not shared by anyone else. When hidden assumptions are not met, it can feel like something is wrong or even that others in the church are being intentionally hard-headed, offensive, or wicked. This is because assumptions are deeply connected to values: what we think of as being important. Once a threshold of tolerance has been crossed regarding our sense of values, people withdraw from relationship, become critical and divisive, or simply leave the church embittered and ready to “gift” the next church with additional baggage.

How can we learn to recognize our assumptions so we can evaluate and address them before they become harmful to ourselves and our Christian community?

Step 1: Form an accurate, biblical understanding of the essentials of church life.
There is no cookie cutter shape for all churches at all times, but the bible gives standard ingredients. Instead of basing our judgements on personal preferences, experiences, and feelings, we should found them on scripture. In the process we may gain understanding and change or discard harmful or false assumptions. We often bring assumptions about how a church should be instead of what a church should be so key elements for all church communities include:

Step 2: Evaluate your personal history with church in light of this biblical template
Whether or not you left your previous church(es) with negative emotions, honestly evaluate your experience against the biblical recipe. Were the things you valued essentials or non-essentials? Were the things you felt negatively about personal preferences or actual conflicts with the New Testament recipe?

Additionally, while all churches should use the same bible-proscribed ingredients, local church communities use different proportions. Some invisible assumptions stem from experience with a strong emphasis from the denomination or historical context of the church. If you think your new church should be doing more community service, maybe that’s how the Lord means to use you. And just because a church doesn’t have a “street corner evangelism” focus doesn’t mean the gospel is not being proclaimed in other ways.

Step 3: Be realistic about practical differences between your church community and previous church experiences.
You might like the close-knit community of your new church...until you miss some of the ministries, events, and activities of your old church. Did you come from a small church? You might feel lost in the shuffle or wonder why you aren’t having potlucks together every Sunday afternoon. Did you come from a formal setting? The relaxed atmosphere might feel refreshing...until Lent rolls around and you miss your liturgy. Coming from a seeker-sensitive congregation? You might miss the high production value, personal jokes and stories that you were used to. Get it all out. Make a “haves” and “have nots” list. Realize that many of non-essentials are like a coin: every element  you enjoyed has its negative side.  A church can’t be formally casual. It can’t sing to the Lord a “new song” and at the same time just sing the classic hymns.

Step 4: Commit to graciously serving, enjoying and growing with your church (i.e. Step 1)
This las step requires seeing yourself in the context of the New Testament “Recipe” in your local church family. In the process, your gifts, insights and ideas will benefit the life of the church. Resentment will have a tougher time stealing your joy. You will enter more fully into the others-oriented life of Jesus, becoming resilient against the painful and destructive emotions that build up when invisible expectations are left unmet.

For Reflection:
1) Read the linked scriptures in Step 1 above. Is there anything you would add to the list of “church ingredients?” What scriptural passages support your addition?

2) Can you think of an issue, topic, or element of church life at VBC that nettles you? What assumption or value that you have is being transgressed? Is your value or assumption biblical? What scriptural passages support your assumption about how church ought to be?

3) How do you usually respond when you have negative feelings toward your church community? Do you go to a leader? Do you speak negatively to others in your peer group? Do you take your anxieties and painful emotions to the Father in prayer until you are at rest? Do you suffer in silence?

4) Given Jesus’s prayer for us, that his people would be “one”, how can you remain at rest in unity even when your preferences and expectations aren’t always met by the people in your church?

Nathan Baird